Category: Dating and Relationships
I am seriously confused about two of my friends that are dating. Here's the situation.
The girl is a total bitch towards the guy. She yells at him for the stupidest reasons, calls him names, reacts to everything he does, and even yelled "fuck you" at him in front of a pizza delivery guy. I forget why she did it, but I was pissed because that was in my apartment, and I won't rant about it.
Anyway, he says he hates being treated like shit, yet he still falls for her.
Why would you be a total witch to someone that cares about you and would do anything for you. And if someone does that to you, why would you stick around and put up with it.
When one of my x girlfriend's did that I broke up with her. But he refuses to do it. I'm confused.
lol billy some people are like that.
I no lots of people.
There overly loil, and devoted.
Sometimes they dont wana leav the person cuz they think they wont never fine anyone else.
But I mostly see girls in the plase of your friend, i bairly see guys like that.
He will understand one day, he will get his heart broken.
though I hope not.
Nothing you can do about it. Some people enjoy it, so leave it be.
I usually find myself in the position of being the shoulder that these poor guys cry on. As to why they stay in it, who knows. Maybe they like being the victim. Maybe they enjoy the emotional roler coaster ride. Maybe he feels that if he tries hard enough, she'll finally accept him and be good to him. In any case, it's his choice, and I can only feel sorry for the guy for so long.
I know there isn't I can do. I'm just confused as to why someone would stick around and be treated like crap, and why someone would do that to someone. This dude would do anything to make her happy, but whatever he did just seemed to piss her off even more.
There could be several reasons for this. The saddest possibility is that he honestly feels like he doesn't deserve any better. I've known people to stick around for that reason. the worst part about this is that as long as these people feel that way, they won't leave. If, as Anthony says, he's sticking around because he is hoping her behavior will improve some day and she will come to understand just how much he would do for her, and finally return that love, well, all I can say is that hopefully he'll eventually understand that it's just not going to happen.
Ya, I can see that. They are both friends. In fact the first time I saw her act like that toward him I was shocked. When I asked her why she acts that way towards him, she says it's something she can't help. I personally don't believe that. I wanted to say that that is how a high school student would act but I stopped.
OceanDream
An Ocean of Thoughts is dead on with her comment about hopefully she will change, I speak from personal experience, a person stay with a loved one hoping they will change. Does this happen, 9 times out of 10 no. They will do what ever it takes to stick with the person. I currently might be deeling with this subject now but going to keep that to myself.
Ocean is right. Usually people who stay in something like that think they either don't deserve any better, or won't get any better if they try. Those types tend to think it's better to at least have someone, even if that person treats them like shit, than it is to be alone. One of my best guy friends was in that kind of situation with a girl for nearly two and a half years. It finally broke up, but only because she did it. I don't think he would have, even though she was such a bitch to him. I feel bad for your friend, but in the end, it's his choice. As for the girl saying she can't help it, that's crap. She may have a temper, but that can be worked on. Sounds like she's just choosing not to.
From her perspective, why bother working on it? Nothing is broken. Her situation is working for her. He treats her like a queen, and he's the perfect punching bag. For her, nothing is wrong.
Maybe it's working for them in some bizzarre way but I doubt it. Plus it is making her look mean, and it embarrasses the people that go out with the both of them.
Humans are inherently lazy, fear confrontation, and loathe the discomfort of change. This is why jobs, relationships, and hobbies can go on for far too long.
I used to have a co-worker who I liked a lot at firsst and was thrilled when she acted like she wanted to be my friend from my very first day at work. But over the years I worked there I realized she was a bitch, not just to me but to everyone. And here's what puzzled me: SHE never
had trouble getting female friends or boyfriends. In fact, by the time she left the organization where we worked, she was on her third marriage. SHE cheated on all her husbands and treated everyone she knew like shit, yet she attracted people to her and hardly anyone ever said anything bad about her.
It's kinda a white boy problem. I are one, so can't be called racists for this. Other ethnic men handle those situation a lot better than us whites, because in our culture we males are supposed to feel guilty for, and atone for, the deeds of former generations.
Also built into white culture is this belief that she is always right. We laugh about it, it's in our comics and sit-coms. You don't see people of other ethnic origins doing it.
And what you describe in Post 1 is exactly what a black psychology student in college used to call "White girl problems." She would have been called a male chauvinist pig by white feminists of her era, except she wasn't male, wasn't chauvinist / was working hard to earn her way up into that formerly-male-dominated field, and was no pig.
You don't see women of other ethnic origins typically acting out like this, every little thing stressing them out, they're always complaining, always under stress, everything is a problem. You only see that among the whites. And I don't blame other racial groups for looking at us and calling us weak because of it. Because maybe we are.
That's not to say all white men do this floundering around / fake guilt / won't unwimp themselves enough to get it together. And it's not to say all white women are constant complainers, constantly under stress, constantly on the verge of a meltdown, but look around: those who are in those two categories? Typically whites.
It's in our culture, we even raise girls to be like that, we raise boys to 'treat a lady,' even in a modern context, mainly meaning self-efface, tolerate anything and everything, and otherwise look pathetic and stupid. I don't blame the people of other ethnic origins for laughing at us, and you can't blame the white chicks for acting out like that, because we boys (often myself included) don't stand up to them the way that people of other ethnic origins do. Even the Italians do better than us wonderbreads do on this issue.
The culture will have to change,or we will simply die out due to general weakness, one or the other of many white people problems.
This reminds me of a friend I recently reconnected with on Facebook. I went to school wih her years ago. Well se's been seeing, albeit on and off, a guy named Michael. Probley is he has bipolar disorder but doesn't control it well. So he'll break up with her because he says he doesn't love her anymore, then a few weeks or even days later he'll ask for another chance. And Jennifer tends to give him another chance every time. He also seems to only go out with her only so long as se's got money to blow on him, then as soon as the money runs out he leaves her. And he's even admitted as much to her. And yet she still gives him chances because she apparently just can't stand to be alone. That and I won't go out with her because I don't do long distance anymore.
that has never happened to me before.
but there is some people that are just lonely.
they do not want to be alone and so they stick with the person even though they treate you like garbage.
I do not know that is just how some people are.
Maybe you're only seeing half the picture. I don't know the situation, and neither does anyone else. Maybe you see them in public, and they fight, that's not that uncommon. But maybe when they're home alone, she's the sweetest girl in the world. Maybe he stays with her because he gets to see every side of her. He gets to see the bad side, but he knows that there is a good side there too that will rub his feet and bring him soup when he's sick. Or, you know, something like that.
I have friends who fight in public because they disagree on things, but then later they make up and are happy as happy little clams. I'm not saying your friends are like this, but I'm also not saying they aren't. don't discount the fact that you don't have all the information.
Now this is something outrageous. I'm not saying it doesn't happen by any means, but I would be surprised to see a couple who fight in public and get along great when they're alone, most couples tend to be the opposite and you think they're the perfect couple when you hang out with them because they don't want to show their ugly side until they get behind closed doors. Unless of course, it's a one-sided relationship where only one person is abusive towards the other and doesn't care to humiliate them wherever. I know every relationship is unique and everyone has their own reasons for tolerating it or not, but as for me, I don't think I would want to spend any time with a guy who treated me like some queen only to turn around and humiliate me in public for everyone else to see. And if I did I think I would have to be one lonely and desperate individual with little to no self-esteem.
The way I see things, is the way he treets her, she sees as so sickly sweet, she sees it as a weekness to pray upon, and she harbers some undieing emotions witch prevent her from givving him an eezy time.
The idea of a perfect relationship is somehow empossible for her to acomplish as she feels she is doing something rong, and she thinks he won't say anything about it, so compensates by beeing a reel bitch to him.
Another reason for the way she is acting, might be because of her previous relationships, and how unhelthey they were. Maybe she's gageing what it's like to be on the givving end of the shit, rather than beeing on the reseveing end.
So many reasons might be the cause of this, But unless your a tellepath, I guess you'll never find out.
No no, it's the guy who uses the girl in this particular relationship. As long as enniferhas money to buy him things with he's fine. But te moment the money runs out he's gone. Then most recently she hooked up with a guy named Justin and they seemed like a happy couple. THen a few days later she was single again, this time because apparently Justin had a problem with the age difference (he's apparently a few years younger). And Jennifer firmly believes that age is just a number, and while I agree with that to a point there are times when it can cause problems with a relationship. The problem is Jennifer refuses to see that side of the coin. Her response is she's not getting any younger and so she's gotta settle down and have kids sometime. And while that may indeed be true it's bee my experience that rushing into things usually doesn't get you anywhere except further behind.
I agree Rex, I personally think it is a combination of reasons now. Believe it or not they are still together, and yet they both still come to me and complain about how things just don't seem to work out. I've flat out told both of them it is probably time to move on, but I guess they don't want to.
Hi,
I guess I'll post my 2 cents. If someone treated me like crap, I'd be out the door, but many people are not that way. As has been stated here, the guy in this situation seems like he's afraid to be alone, or he's getting some sort of trade-off for sticking around. if they've both told the OP they're tired of the relationship however and don't see it working, yet they still stay together and she still treats him badly, I don't know. My only answer to that would be that maybe they're both just not tired enough of the relationship as of yet. A lot of people have to get good and sick of something, before they'll do anything about it. it's just like someone being willing to work on their anger issues or whatever. A lot of people aren't willing to work on them. Sure, they'll say they are, but when it actually comes right down to it, they're not willing to put in the time and effort it takes to do anything about them. A vast majority of the time, from what I've seen anyway, it's not until the person in question has suffered several losses of one type or another due to their anger, before they'll finally get around to doing something about it. And if the guy hasn't left the girl yet, in my opinion, she's being rewarded for her anger issues by him sticking around.
Take Care,
Dawnielle